1. If you’re gonna turn up on a weekday, lay out a super nice outfit for the next day. Roll out of bed hung over and slip a fit on. Everybody will be too busy complimenting you to notice the Filsons under your eyes.
1. Once a month, use the word “cooter” around someone you love. Document their reactions and keep them in a safe journal for a few years. Write a dissertation on your findings. I pray that with time, cooter could become the c-word our society so desperately needs.
Genesis: Free forbidden fruit. Its consumption dooms our planet for eternity. 2015: The second coming. We blew it again. It’s no wonder we’re stuck here with the Trumps and Kardashians of the world. We’ve had our shots at happiness, and we blew ’em like Ray J.
What’s up, all y’all swagless cretins? Did you take my cooking class? Did you give up halfway through? Did you even start it? Either way, I got a NEW SHIT ALERT for y’all Bobby Flay lookin’ asses! Your boy is trying out Twitch as a means to live-stream the cooking process.