Everything Nobody Told Me About Growing Food

ShaquilleThe Ivory Tower4 Comments

Plants have a life cycle, including death. If you’re like me, you just assumed everything you grew was supposed to behave like a redwood tree. If a plant dies, it’s entirely my fault, right? But growing food is seasonal. When you plant winter kale, it’s gonna “bolt” once the temperature warms up. The leaves will get bitter and the plant … Read More

The Rise and Fall of Bon Appétit Content

ShaquilleThe Ivory Tower6 Comments

This is a story about #content which, unless you’re a deinonychus, does not include print media. While reading the rest of this post, try and forget the fact that Bon Appétit is a magazine first (a fact easily forgotten by the BA team as made apparent by last months issue which featured a giant truck on their cover).

Stan By Your Man

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In the olden days, when you would say, “I really like the idea of dragons fucking tailpipes“, everyone would tell you to stop being weird, and you’d continue your entire existence as a productive member of society. Nowadays, if you wax the same pipedream, you’ll find a subreddit specifically for your weird fetish

Why Aren’t You Applying to Neurosurgeon Jobs?

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Since high school I’ve owned a book called “The Mission” that the internet says never existed. It had little challenges to try every day, from “drink a glass of water while peeing” to “apply for a job as a neurosurgeon.” I’ve tried both, but the latter is more important and requires less paper towels.

The Future Sucks

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Genesis: Free forbidden fruit. Its consumption dooms our planet for eternity. 2015: The second coming. We blew it again. It’s no wonder we’re stuck here with the Trumps and Kardashians of the world. We’ve had our shots at happiness, and we blew ’em like Ray J.