1. Don’t eat ass off Tinder.
2. Keep peroxide rinse on hand in case you end up breaking the previous commandment.
3. Buy good bracelets, not cheap cufflinks.
4. Drink water. Drink some water, and never stop drinking the water. You’re like, mostly water, dog. You need it. You are it. Drink it.
5. Remain skeptical of anything written in list format.
6. Never forget that all advice is autobiographical.
7. Don’t eat ass off Tinder.