1. If you’re gonna turn up on a weekday, lay out a super nice outfit for the next day. Roll out of bed hung over and slip a fit on. Everybody will be too busy complimenting you to notice the Filsons under your eyes.

2. If you’re trying to buy something from Craigslist, and the dude lives 10 miles west of you, say you live 10 miles east of your actual home, and ask to meet in the middle.

3. Not everyone peaks in their 20s.

4. Ask your girl whether she prefers gold or silver right away. You definitely need to know this, and if you ask too close to a special day, you’re gonna get got.

5. If something relatively insignificant gets stolen from you, remember that you’re super rich. When something you can replace in 1 day is so important to someone that some hood gremlin yanks it… that’s how you know you’re swimmin’ in guap. Or maybe it’s just some shit head suburban teens idk.

6. Indulge your guilty pleasures regularly.

7. Don’t get a master’s degree if you don’t need one. Your blog will fall to shit and you’ll scrape by posting 7-point dome improvements that don’t compare to your usual stuff.

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