1. Everybody likes getting choked. Some people don’t like being choked from the front, but they like it from the back and call it a “massage.”
2. Don’t watch snapchat stories in the presence of others. This isn’t some “put down your phone and enjoy their company” bullshit. This is serious. Snapchats are annoying as fuck to listen to, if you can’t see what’s going on. No matter who you’re with or what they’re doing, if a snap is audible to anyone in the room, it must be visible to everyone in the room.
3. If at ANY POINT you find yourself without salt, you are not good at cooking. That’s fine. You can always get better. But if you let yourself run out of the most important thing, you’re not great.
4. If you measure your ingredients by volume instead of weight, you are not good at baking. That’s fine. I’m the worst baker in the world. I could always get better. But fuck baking. That shit is way too scientific for casuals.
5. Write down all the media you consume in a day, sorta like a food log. Later on, label each entry with how it benefits you. If it doesn’t, cut it like OT. Alternatively, if you find some way that watching vlogs benefits you, PLEASE let me know. I DON’T UNDERSTAND VLOGS!
6. Any party described as a “bash” will not be fun.
7. Hoes are easy to replace. Your time is impossible to replace.
8. If ladies is pimps too, dudes is def hoes.
9. If you don’t like how the government treats companies like they’re people, you’re not allowed to treat Apple and Tesla like A-list celebrities.
10. If you take all the bees in the world, and lay them end-to-end, you would have a very squiggly line.