Stan By Your Man

ShaquilleThe Ivory TowerLeave a Comment

In the olden days, when you would say, “I really like the idea of dragons fucking tailpipes“, everyone would tell you to stop being weird, and you’d continue your entire existence as a productive member of society. Nowadays, if you wax the same pipedream, you’ll find a subreddit specifically for your weird fetish and potentially become engrossed with a strange niche until it kills you. Also, since the internet is obsessed with unnecessary change and exclusivity, the word “fan” has been replaced by “stan” for no good damn reason. Everyone’s got their secret inexplicable stanships, and I’m here to lay mine out to absolve my soul. Come nerd out with your boy. Come stan by your man.

Opening Night

People always wanna be like “Yo Shaq, you love cooking– why don’t you go full chef?” and I always retort with a commanding fuck no. Chef life sounds awful, sleeplessly teetering on the edges of divorce and bankruptcy. The closest I’ll get to restaurateur life is watching Opening Night vids on loop til I fall asleep at a comfortable 8:30 PM. Between the stereo separation (wear headphones) and the top shelf editing, this is ASMR for me. But like the ASMR that only relaxes you because it makes you grateful you’re not these stressed-out nutballs.


Wabi-Sabi is the radical Japanese notion that flawed shit is still dope, if not more dope than the pristine. The most popular example is busted ass bowls that got post-op humpty dumptied in 24K, in an effort to say “the flaws are worth more than the original material. It’s the backbone of raw selvedge denim stanmanship, forcing filthy jeanheads to go their entire lives without washing their APCs, allowing their every historic movement to contribute to authentic fades.


sprezz is p much italian wabi-sabi, and its a worldly excuse for improper punctuation and being caught with your fly down.

Colors Berlin

I used to be on that Majestic Casual tip, but by the time “the tip” has its own record label and music festival, it’s not really on the bleeding edge. Colors is the new new because you get more to look at than a static babe, and after months of consumption, I still wonder how the hell they get this colored cube so uniformly illuminated.

Tim Lahan

At an absolute bare minimum, your Instagram feed should consist of 20% art. Artists on Instagram fall into this self-aestheticization that everyone tends to do once they decide on a #brand, but Tim soaks deep into one after another. One month he’s literally painting nothing but arrows, and the next he is producing 100 varieties of chain link fences. Wow holy shit typing words about art makes it sound so boring and monotonous just go look at it.

Giving Up

Finshing things isn’t really my style. I’m calling this list done.

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