*Editor’s Note*
This post was titled long before the word “snowflake” became a liberal pejorative.

People with bios that start with “God first” are extremely lame.

People with usernames like ilovemywife100 are extremely lame.

It’s not that caring about shit is inherently lame, but it’s definitely zero percent cool to let one interest dominate your entire identity. If you only have one facet, that contradicts the definition of “facet” itself. Nerds like those above are not diamonds. They are 2-dimensional squiggles strugglebussing on a flat plane.

This has got to be why there are so many alt-celebrities that make those unfaceted squares say things like “so why is this guy famous again?” Changing your instagram handle to Shaq the Foodie Boy and only posting peng munches is a slippery slope to becoming a one-trick pony whose only trick is self-affirmation. Lots of people like to advise you to “be yourself”. Be somebody else for all I care— but for the love of “God first”, please at least be a self, and not a hobby.

I show my wife off anyway I can. pic.twitter.com/Cxd4e1ethM

— The Lit Husband 🔥 (@Shecallsmeking) December 11, 2016

Postscript:
Sorry for not posting here in a couple of months. I bought a house, and homeownership is a bullshit chasm of despair that old people coax millennials into to watch us suffer. Next time I’m super pissed off about something that’s too long to tweet about, I’ll remember that I have a blog with readership in the DOZENS instead of briefly contemplating a “thread” thread and subsequently logging off.

easily the worst shit on twitter is: “Thread.” it makes me want to die.

— cofounder of my ass (@bobby) December 9, 2016