How to Make The OVO XO – A Crew Love Cocktail

ShaquilleNew Shit AlertLeave a Comment

Get your nose off my keyboard and whip up a thicknasty cognac egg drink the whole crew will love. A recipe from deep within the bowels of my brain (which has been laser-etched with Drake and Weeknd lyrics since 2011), this eggnog and brandy drink is a result of chiefing on a fatty cassia late at night under star projectors.

Stan By Your Man

ShaquilleThe Ivory TowerLeave a Comment

In the olden days, when you would say, “I really like the idea of dragons fucking tailpipes“, everyone would tell you to stop being weird, and you’d continue your entire existence as a productive member of society. Nowadays, if you wax the same pipedream, you’ll find a subreddit specifically for your weird fetish

HONNE’s “Warm On A Cold Night”

ShaquilleMusic ReviewLeave a Comment

There’s a lot of shit I’ll never understand– a first thing, a second thing, and the first thirty seconds of this track. When Clutterbuck crackles into the scene like two fistfuls of glow bracelets splintering orange light into a rayless blast freezer, I don’t know what the technique is called.

Why Aren’t You Applying to Neurosurgeon Jobs?

ShaquilleThe Ivory TowerLeave a Comment

Since high school I’ve owned a book called “The Mission” that the internet says never existed. It had little challenges to try every day, from “drink a glass of water while peeing” to “apply for a job as a neurosurgeon.” I’ve tried both, but the latter is more important and requires less paper towels.